TIPS TO AVOID CONFLICT DURING WEDDING PLANNING

Planning a wedding can be a time consuming, stressful process. It can lead to disagreements between loved ones, lost sleep, and, heaven forbid, those unwelcome gray hairs. If you’re lucky, you’ve got great help in your family and wedding party to alleviate some stress and keep things moving in the right direction. However, sometimes the help you need comes with additional baggage, no matter how well intended it may be. The last thing most brides want to do during the wedding planning process is drive a wedge between themselves and their loved ones. Try these tips to avoid conflict while planning the wedding of your dreams.

Prioritize

Sit down with your future spouse before the wedding planning chaos begins and decide what things are most important to you both. What are some absolute must-haves for your wedding? What are some things you are willing to compromise on? Write these things down and order them from most to least important. If you need to make a tough decision, you can gain some perspective by checking your list and deciding if it’s worth a conflict or if you can give a little.

Include your Spouse in Decisions

The majority of grooms have little interest in what kind of flowers you have in your bouquet or whether the table cloths should be white or eggshell. But, they still want to feel like they have some say in their big day. It’s easy to think of it as “the bride’s big day,” but keep in mind that the groom will likely have some ideas of his own. Hearing him out on the things he thinks are important will make the planning process much smoother and give your guy a voice. After all, you are signing up to be his life long partner! Really pay attention to what he wants and give him a fair chance.

Budget Effectively

Money can cause conflict, especially when wedding planning. Set a budget before you begin and stick to it. There is no reason to begin your newlywed life with great debt; beautiful weddings don’t have to be expensive. Spend money on your priorities and compromise on the things that are less important to you. There are loads of money saving tips out there to help you if you’re not sure where to begin. Budgeting your money wisely will keep you from cash flow conflicts with parents and your future spouse.

Make the Roles Clear

Nothing can create tension for a bride quite like unwelcome “help” in planning. While it is important to get input from your own family, in-laws, and the wedding party, it is imperative to set boundaries so your own voice doesn’t get lost. If you tend to give in to others often, then you’ll want to be sure to make these folks’ role very clear early on. They are helpers, not dictators! It can be helpful to delegate specific jobs to your loved ones so they can be an asset to the wedding planning and not an added stress. Keep in mind, though, that you will not be able to please everyone always, and that is okay. What mattes most is if you and your groom are happy. 

Bargain for Your Funds

If you are receiving financial help from your family for the wedding, have a clear discussion up front about what that really means. If mom’s money is contingent on including her lengthy guest list, consider whether you’re willing to make that compromise. Consider, too, how your grooms family may feel. Be clear with anyone helping you financially that your decisions must be yours alone. If they are not willing to accept that, decide if you are willing to give up decision making power. You might want to hold off, save more, and get more of what you want. Or, you might relinquish control for a larger budget. Either way, best to discuss this up front so there are no surprises later that you can’t get out of without losing deposits or delaying timelines. 

Choose Your battles

Remember that list of priorities you made? Keep it handy. You’ll need it when the inevitable battle of wills comes into play. Maybe your mom is begging you to getting married in the church she was married instead of your lake venue. Or your future mother in-law insists on wearing a dress you feel is too fancy for your vision. Look at your list and decide if it’s worth digging your heels in. If it’s a necessary conflict, then stand up for yourself. But if it’s something that could ruin a relationship or won’t be important in 5 years, then maybe it’s not the hill to die on. You can’t fight every battle. Choose wisely.